LOCATION: Wembley Stadium
The 49ers did just play a game in Mexico back in November, so it’s quite possible they get bypassed for this assignment in favor of, say, the Ravens or Bengals. Either one would make for a very fine opponent.
But the 49ers are just such an attractive team right now. That defense, that offensive diversity and talent, plus a legacy coach in Kyle Shanahan? They’re a no-brainer. And the Jaguars are becoming quite the catch, too, with Trevor Lawrence and Doug Pederson proving to be an excellent match, and Jacksonville is just replete with young talent.
As for which quarterback might be playing for the 49ers, we honestly don’t know. But (Brock) Purdy is a name with Middle English origins, and (Trey) Lance makes us think of Lancelot. So either way, we’re covered.
GERMANY GAMES
Our German friends deserve something special. Yes, typically these games pair teams from the same conference, but we feel the need to bend the rules. After all, we want to send our best for the return to Germany, and what could top Patrick Mahomes and the world-beating Chiefs vs. the Motor City Knee-biters?
The Dolphins would make a great matchup, too. We considered the Eagles, as well, but think it’s only right to see that matchup — and possible Super Bowl LVII rematch? — in Kansas City after Andy Reid most recently faced his former team in Philadelphia. Ultimately, we settled on the Lions, who could be true contenders in 2023. Plus, we believe other countries need to experience Dan Campbell firsthand.
Let’s nominate Amon-Ra St. Brown as the game’s honorary spokesman. The emerging Lions star is the son of a German-born mother who insisted on having trilingual children, speaking to her boys in Deutsch as they were growing up.
Oh, and save a brat for Coach Reid, please.